if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
