note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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