Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We have so much sex to catch up on
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize