Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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