This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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