I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
