what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
