You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize