you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
