I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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