you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
