Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
