that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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