I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize