Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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