I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
