3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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