my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Randomize
