Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
