It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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