so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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