farters have to be the big spoon...
honey bunches of taint.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
