you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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