fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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