that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
