She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
