told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
