I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
