after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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