dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
