I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
