I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
