So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
