At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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