Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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