I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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