We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
