We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
