i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
