Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize