Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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