you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this just has baby written all over it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
