she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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