I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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