oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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