I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
