I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
