I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
