Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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