Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
