Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
