ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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