I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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