saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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