Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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