I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
