I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
