is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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