Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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