how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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