All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
