____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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