Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
