I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
