My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
