is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
