So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
well you can't waste a boner
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
