why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize